1.Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Chuck Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
2.Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
3.The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
4.Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
5.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
6.Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
7.Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
8.If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.
9.Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
10.Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck Norris's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck Norris still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.
11.Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
12.The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
13.Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
14.Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
15.Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
16.Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
17.Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
18.Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
19.Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
20.Chuck Norris eats the core of an apple first
Chuck is the man, you mess with Chuck you mess with America!
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